So when your tired you feel all the negative feelings, all the loneliness, the anguish, the despair, the sadness, the depression. Laughing becomes a joke, & the joke is on you. So when you feel all the negative feelings, you will have the worse attitude, you become moody, the smallest things can easily irritate you, you hate the things that doesn’t go your way, you believe that you’re always right & find irrational reasons to show that you’re still right! & even anger makes you weak, irrational & insensitive you still enjoy having that behaviour!, then after all,… these feelings,.. all of these attitudes,… is simply because,….you’re tired.
I became so tired, i never realized that i became so selfish!!! so selfish that i even hate myself .
According to Mr. Webster selfish means:
- too much concerned with one’s own welfare or interests and having little or no concern for others; self-centered
- showing or prompted by self-interest
I’ve always thought that whatever my family is going through is my concern, because, they are my family, but i guess im not concern at all.
I think time is such a terrible thing it takes your happiness then leaves you with sad memories. My mother had a stroke, now she cant move half of her body, & it seems as if half of the house suffers the same thing, people who lives inside is as numb as her body is.
Never did I imagined her so weak, fragile & helpless. She was always strong in my eyes, stronger than my father, then in just that,… just like that… we have to assist her whenever she feels like going to the john, we need to help her everytime she eats, we need to remind her about her medicine, we need to be there….. but for my older sister there’s no “WE” its always “THEM”.
You see, my sister & I, we used to be as close as A & B is in the alphabets, we used to go out together, watch movies together, eat together, talk to each other, we bacame so close, so close that i didn’t realize that i had a certain limit with her. And now she thinks dont belong in the so called “WE” with my mother. It hurts that she thinks that way, it hurts more that i didn’t realize that i dont belong in that “WE” society. Maybe because of me not being concern to anyone but myself!, of my selfish acts, the constant sleep overs, the late nights & me not being there all the time, i’m not helping in anyway i’m making thing worse, i think. Now i’ve lost the mother i used to know, & my sister i used to be with.
I’ve lost my tired tires, i’ve lost myself, all i have is a selfish person, that cant even be there, atleast for her family. I hate myself well i never liked myself, i’m always tired with the person within me, the person outside makes me sick so i really hate me. I dont like to point out my key points here its non-sense, i dont want to defend myself either besides my zodiac sign, the astrological rabbit, the stone topaz & the month of november has the same opinion with my sister & mother i am selfish, even the movie in the bus made me realize how selfish i am “those with sweethearts are selfish”. I have a sweet heart but not “the” sweetheart thing. 
I’m not just tired, now i’m a bit sick too,.. i’m always like this when life hits more than just a bump, when it drizzle then turn to a storm, when i’m there, almost there ready to give up………i feel sick & tired.
